Uncalled For!!

Since the past couple of days a colleague of mine has been showing eager interest in my relationship status..it is really funny and annoying at the same time because she doesnt know me that well..we arent tight friends..talk at work about work and leave as when we have to..i am trying to figure out what has invoked her interest in my love life..
earlier i thought she wasnt straight hahahhaahhaaha..but then one day we happened to talk about her (i got the topic out just to make sure she is straight) and she told me that she is seeing this guy since the past 6 years and all of a sudden my respect for her grew..
i mean how could she stand someone for that long :)
the next day we went to Sydenham for Brouhaha as we had sponsored the fashion show..
i went along thinking oh what if she needs my help..and trust me I regret that decision till date..
she tried to get me talking to every single (good looking) guy around..she even took the number of the winner of the fashion show and told him "oh, my colleague will get in touch with You." she very happily called me in the middle of the night to tell me this..
I really dont understand why she doesn't get the point that i don't want a relationship..have told her a hundred million zillion times..but guess that just makes her work harder towards getting me paired with someone..zeesh..Iam sure a couple of people around are hoping praying and wanting and waiting to get a saviour like this in their life ;)
I like a fool had told long back "nah i don't like anyone" and guess that's what has made her take this step..
i get scared to go for meetings with her also now..don't know when how and where she will start her search..

God bless me as Iam going to Bangalore with her the coming month.

Miss You!!

Love is such a funny little thing..it makes your whole world go round..

i believe that we all love very few people in life..the remaining others we "CARE" for..the few people we love could be a friend, best friend, parents, boyfriend/girlfriend..this one relationship means the whole world to us and all our life ka fundas are based on this one damn relationship..oh ya and when you are going through a tough time in this relationship then god bless the people around you..

To me This whole love relationship was with my best friend..i don't know how much i loved her but i know one thing for sure that i loved her with all i could..nothing or no one else mattered so much to me..the feeling was mutual..she loved me too..in life you come across certain people whom you feel like pampering and going out of your way to make them feel loved..she was someone i could never say NO to..

but it hurts alot when this one relationship goes hay wire cause of whatever reasons..my whole life went for a toss when we fought or just simply fell apart..we fought often and most of the times for very stupid reasons..there were a zillion times when we decided that this was it we cant anymore of each other..but it never really happened..'these fights' and 'those couple of days' away made us realise that we are an integral part of each others life..

she is away in London so now if we do fight..our phone bills go for a toss cause we need to get things back on track..there was a time when i called London and never had the balance to call people in Mumbai..

my friends found this whole relationship funny and complicated..lol..i also heard things like 'oh you guys are like a couple.' Loved to take that as a compliment, but it also showed that people have such a one track mind..

it hasn't been great between us since October for various reasons..and for the first time since 8 years i get this feeling that this is it!! I don't know if we are going to be the same, but i know one thing for sure..that i didn't leave a stone unturned..yeah it does hurt even now but i don't think there is much i can do..its like letting go of a part of me, i cant take the hurt..
there are many things unsaid and many promises broken..all that held the relationship together was the love that we had for each other..i have come to a phase where i have forgiven but the problem lies with forgetting..i just cant forget things..its always been a problem with me..forgiving comes easily but forgetting..naaah!!!

i do pray that we talk it out this time around as well and things get back to normal..but the distance is spoiling it even more..i wish we could be the same cause i really miss you and i cant stop loving you!!

Life is full of broken dreams and unkept promises!!

Smallest Things Matter Most

My phone screen is spoilt since the past one month, and its making life so much more difficult for me!!
Imagine NOT HAVING DISPLAY on your phone..
now iam among those people who keeps the phone around me most of time (i guess all of us do)
but iam those inquisitive kinds who wants to check the MSG as soon as the phone rings or get back to an unknown number!!
So now u can understand what big mess my life is in!!
I cant see any message that is sent to me..
I cant get back to any unknown number and find out who it is..
I probable might die of Inquisitiveness..
In fact all calls are unknown to me for the 1st couple of seconds cause obviously i cant see the number..
have also gotten abused a couple of times by friends for not recognising their voice..
I ain't one of those people who would remember numbers and Birthday's..rely completely on my phone for the two!!
so ya if i have to call people up i have to go on a hunt for their numbers..
just yesterday i wanted to call a group mate to fix a meeting for project work..now she isn't someone whom i call on a daily basis so i obviously dint remember her number..zeesh..
i cant even transfer my Sim into another phone and use for the time being as all my numbers are stored in phone memory :)
so it ain't going to help me either ways!!

but there is a sunny side to this!!
i save alot on messaging as i cannot message and if someone asks me why i haven't replied to their message all i have to do open the flap of my phone and show them the blank screen :) wicked i know!!

last week a couple of guys from college were harrowing me to return a jersey that i wore for the inter house throwball..
now i had no issues returning it but these guys wanted me to come to college at 7AM to give the t-shirt to them..i wouldn't go to college at that time even if i had a lecture then!!JERSEY??you kidding me..
so it also means that i cannot avoid unwanted calls..at any given time of the day!!

all of us are in a race to have a phone better than the other, we want a better camera, music player, Internet,,blah blah blah on the phone!!
but whats the use of all this if your screen is spoilt and Blank??

we look at the Bigger things and give them so much importance that the small things don't matter at all!!

Retrospection time

Its been 12 days since my parents have been away, and it seems like an eternity. Have learnt alot in these 12 days. This is the first time I was left alone at home for this long and trust me it has been an experience in itself.
The past 12 days been a series of funny as well as the most frustrating moments of my life.
The other day i went to get apples for myself as iam too bored to cook n blah blah. got 2 apples for Rs 25 and i thought i was being cheated by the hawker, like it was written all over my face that iam doing this for the first time, immediately called mum to tell her that iam being overcharged what should i do!!guess i freaked her out cause i called her for such a stupid reason but i dint want to feel cheated and overcharged.

Servant has been on a roll since mum has gone, comes at her own leisurely time in spite of me begging her to come early, does half the work and leaves.zeesh i hate her. oh ya and how could i forget she has 40 million questions waiting for me once i get back home from work. Now Iam one of those people who answer patiently but when I come home from work i want to be by myself at least for the first half an hour as Iam really edgy then and don't want to pick up a fight. But this ma'am refuses to get the point and has to ask me the lamest thing on earth in the loudest tone,sometimes I think I work for her lol.. darn what has my life come to!!

But the biggest thing that i have learnt in these 12 days is that i can survive alone, I don't i need someone to make sure i will be alright! A couple of my friends have been around most of the time but i guess i have realised that at the end of the day i want to be alone!! Could never imagine sleeping alone in the empty house,used to give me the freaks of my life. but now i guess iam more comfortable sleeping alone hahahahaha..

Now that mum dad are going to come back soon Its time to get back to normal routine again..phew i hate this..it takes me a couple of days to get used people not being around and it also takes equally long for me to have them around. I have got so used to staying by myself and doing the running around, was just getting used to it and now i have to adjust again..zeesh..i hate this about me..even with friends it takes me a little time to get used to them being around..
A couple of months back my best friend had come down from London and the first day i just couldn't look at her and talk. I remember we sitting at a coffee shop on the first evening after she landed and i was talking to her but looking around, was quite a sight, she actually had to ask me to look at her. So ya its that bad for me to get used to not having people around and then having them back again!!

Oh how could i forget, I also learnt whom i could on count in times of need (not people for sure).
Trust me i have got help from places it was least expected and I'am have been surprised at every moment. I Thank God every night for these few good souls.

A Buddhist monk came to college yesterday to give us a lecture on life and whatever he said made so much sense!!
the thing that he stressed on the most is
Self is the protector of Self.

i so connected with this cause this is what i realised in this phase!!

lesson learnt in these 12 days!!

God Bless You

Nana has been quite unwell since the last one month..mum dad have been to Bangalore twice in this month..i have stayed alone for almost half the month..and i suck at it..even if i look like i don't care and i ain't bothered the fact is that i cant stay alone at home at night..it freaks me out..so its been kinda tough when my servant cant come or there is no one around..

i thought i would be fine after a point..

but i don't think so..ma pa are leaving again today..got a call at 6 in the morning saying Nana passed away..have been awake since then arranging for tickets, tackling relatives, attending phone calls..its been a run already..and this is just the beginning..iam sure iam going to have a hard time cause iam staying back..

the last time ma pa went to Bangalore a couple of weeks back my relatives drove me crazy..

this time iam going to be alone for the next two weeks and have to juggle with college and job..and now family..

dad and me are trying to be normal..if we show one sign of sadness mum will break down..

iam so sure iam going to cry myself to bed today..

Its tough to be Tough after a point..

May You Rest In peace Nanaji..

God Bless You

Weirdo that Iam

I hope i don't freak anyone out with the following post :)

I have to admit that i have this weird fascination for fingers, I know i may seem psycho but fingers are one of the first things that i notice when i meet someone new.

The other day dad and me went for OSO and when we came back home mum wanted to know how it was and blah blah blah..
she asked both of us how Deepika has performed!!Dad was all praise for her and then she turned to me and asked me if Deepika was good..the only thing i told her was "mum she has th longest fingers i have ever seen." I think I freaked my mum out with that statement of mine.
People would generally notice someones smile o maybe eyes in the initial meeting but i would notice the persons fingers.
People around me are quite aware of this weird fascination of mine.

My bhabhi learnt of this a couple of weeks back and asked me who is my favourite in this whole weirdo thing (yeah i do have favourites).
And prompt came the reply- My best friend
well thats not because she is my best buddy but i really like her fingers alot..and she knows it.

and the addition to this list now is Deepika Padukone, although it makes me wonder how she must be holding the badminton racket as she was a national badminton player before she switched to modelling. Now i have played badminton all through my childhood and i know it can be quite shitty to hold the racket if you have long fingers.

anways iam outta this place now before you guys think i have lost it.
(this post is out of sheer boredom sitting in office with not much to do)

Love Hate

Love and Hate are two very similar feelings. While hate blinds you from something until its past, love pushes you forward so fast that you can’t see it until it’s past.
A friend is someone who helps you out in both the situations. After all, they’re just emotions that describe petty likes and dislikes. But they’re both similar and dangerous. I’d kill in love, and I’d kill in hate. Hell, you’ll say, I’d even kill for friends, so my personal opinion doesn’t matter. But how far is your truth from mine?
Anyways, I’ll rather be back on the point. Well, a friend, apart from being a savior is much more. He’s the one who helps you imbalance the equation between hope and its perfect anti matter, disappointment. This friend would care for you in the day, and continue in the night. He’ll repeat this until your world is dismal no more. I’m weird, I agree. I can be the most protective, and possessive friend. I can even expect to be cared for. Shame on me! Whatever happened to “tu karam karta chal, fal ki icchha mat kar”!
This friend is sorry for not speaking to a friend today, for he didn't know what to say. I just want to say I care for you a lot more than I can say. He’ll stay away, and never bother you in any way, and all this friend can say today, is that this friend is sorry. Sorry for whatever I did wrong, although I wish that whatevere it was, was told to me before a decision was taken.

it hurts when a decision is going to affect your life in a huge way and your not even considered to be told about it.

the result of it is just put on you and YOU ALONE have to deal with it at the end of the day.

The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost and never got back!!!

zzzzzzz

In office right now getting bored to death..
don't know what to do..
have a family pooja in the evening which i cant even ditch cause parents aren't around so i have to be there on their behalf as well..so ya basically have a boring day ahead as well..it ain't helping being alone *sob*
so missing my parents to the core..
its so weird to to get up and find the house empty
pack my own lunch (usually dad does it)
go back to an empty house..
spend the night alone
I'am sure all of us take alot of people for granted in life
and when we don't have those same people around
when they have moved on and are not a part of your life
you realise what it was to have them and what a fool you have been to hurt them by taking them for granted
yeah i have heard this a million times that the people you love the most are taken for granted
so you should feel special if someone around you takes you for granted hehehehehhehehe

just saw Laaga chunari mein daag on cable (ya it was pirated iam sure)

wasnt in the best frame of mind to see a heavy movie..one that would make me think..

make me think about how some people can be so selfish and some so selfless



in the movie rani is made to earn money the unethical way ( if i may call it) coz people back home need to survive..

she needs the money to make sure everything back home goes well..she goes all out to make sure that things are fine back home even if that means she has to live in the fast lane



life is so funny it makes you do things you would never even think of in your wildest of dreams..

sometimes we do things just to see a smile on the face of the person we love..

then there are times when you do stuff just to make sure that you dont lose that someone..who wants it the other way..

when in love you would walk on your hands just to make the other person happy and feel on top of the world..

but what happens when it all goes hay wire??

all these thoughts and actions bounce back and bounce back hard..

for example

the songs you dedictated to each other seem to haunt you all day..

you cannot go to the places you have been together..

cannot even get close to the t shirt the other one loved..



sometimes it just aint enough..even if you go all the way and give it your 100%

thats what happened with rani in the movie..

the people she did everything for..didnt want her in their life..cause they werent ready to handle the burden and the mark..

thankfully she did have someone who realised her pain and stood up for her..







Love is like alcohol..

its gives you a bad hangover after you have had one of the most amazing nights of your life..

Wish

sometimes i wish i could turn back time..
sometimes i wish i could undo certain things i wasnt suppose to do..
sometimes i wish i thought about a decision well..before going ahead with it..
sometimes i wish i never loved some people in life whom iam addicted to right now..
sometimes i wish i could tell someone that it hurts..
sometimes i wish i wasnt so impulsive..
sometimes i wish i could cry like a baby..
sometimes i wish i could have a shoulder to cry on..
sometimes i wish i could get a beary hug when iam low..
sometimes i wish i could disappear..
sometimes i wish i could get that someone out of my life..
sometimes i wish i could express myself better..
sometimes i wish i would value the people who value me..

its not that i regret things..
its not that i want to erase somethings from the pages of my life..
not among those who would go back in time..and retrospect.. cause i inevitably land up remembering the bad times..
but just that when you think about how it has been for you till now..
how life has gone..how you have lived..
you do want to make an effort to improve yourself and the way you have been living..



its all in our hands at the end of the day..
its how we want it to be..
but guess we ignore this and blame it on circumstances or the other person..

Before I Die

there are a few things i want to do before i die..

want to share them on the blog..

will try to keep it down to a few

1) learn swimming

2) try my hand oops sorry feet at dancing (i suck at it big time)

3) get a car of my own (obviously with my own money as well)

4) convince my parents that chinese food isnt yucky

5) date a foreigner

6) adopt a baby girl

7) get rid of my fear of height+water=the swimming pool (cant get anywhere close to it)

8) go on a Blind date

9) learn scuba diving (if i succeed to get rid of my acute hydrophobia)

10) bunjee jumping

11) drive a ferrari or a maybach (once just once)

12) work abroad but only for a year

13) get a sea facing apartment

14) have a live in relationship (now now..i have been gettin weird responses..wonder where dis came from though..hehehe)

15) get so sloshed that i dont know where iam

16) dont have a hangover the next day (hehehehe)

17) have the purfect six pack abs (well iam almost there)

18) go backpacking in europe (alone)

19) get in touch with long lost friends

20) fly a plane and come out alive

hope to achieve some of these atleast..

lifes to short..and i want to make the most out of it..

alot of people are afraid to say what they want..

maybe thats why they never get what they want.

The Beginning

was contemplating about starting a blog of my own since the past couple of months..
bt wasnt too pumped about the idea..
the lazy bimbo that iam..
dint wanna go through the effort..
but guess the vacations have taken a toll on me..
and too much of free time on my hands has made me take this step finally..
have been a regualr reader of a couple of random blogs on the net..
and it always made me think how people pour their hearts out on their blogs..
well i hope i dont keep complainin much about life on this blog..
can be quite a cribber..but will avoid it here..

wishing myself best of luck..
and hope this association goes a long way..
will be back soon...

gonna pop some champagne right now :)