nEw bEginniNg

8 hours away from a new year, a new beginning.

Was just talking to a close friend about how the year (2008) has been for me and I surprised myself completely when I said " It's been good for me, no complaints!!"

In retrospect, it honestly has been a year full of surprises. So much has changed in me and the people around me, a 360 degree change. Not that I didn't have me "down and out" moments in 2008, but its the outlook and the perspective that has changed.

2008 too bought with it a considerable amount of downers, but for a change the good things are over shadowing the bad ones in my life. Yes I have had my share of Failures and downfalls, relationships gone sour (and how), fights, misunderstandings,,but thankfully all this has changed my perspective towards life in a positive way and I am not looking back at the year with sorrow and all things lost. Instead, Iam look back and see all the good things and the Superb people and memories that form a part of this positive outlook. Every single loss in 2008 made me look at life in a different light.

But my friend pointed out that perhaps 2008 has been one of the worst years for alot of people around me and the world on the whole. Recession, Terror Attacks, Financial slowdown of the world economy et al.

2009 is going to be better for sure, all we need is a fresh start at this point.

8 hours away from the new year I hope that 2009 brings with it alot of good luck and lots of love for all my friends :P

Sadly one thing that has remained constant for all the 31st's of my life is that I am going to be home and bring in the new year with the remote in my hand. Hope at least this changes next year atleast :), but if it doesn't then no complaints.

Wish you all A verY haPPy new Year 2009!!!

a piCtuRe 's worth A thousAnd wOrdS

Mumbai saw an unprecedented turnout for the rally at the gateway in memory of the Mumbai attacks a week one after the event.

Even though I couldn't make it coz of health issues, but I have been seeing pictures all over and hearing stories from colleagues and friends who did go for it (wearing I Love Mumbai tees)

Looking at the huge turnout while watching the news gave me such a different feeling, wish I could have been there :(

Came across a couple of pics from a school friend's facebook album--people came up with some very witty one liners at the peace march. Here they go-------------------

The next one is my Favourite :)

iNsaNe----iNaNe

Iam sure no one has ever watched the news so intently, as much as we did in the past one week!!

The terror attack or whatever you call it, has surely shaken us all up. Imagine being stuck in your room in one of the most prestigious hotels in the country, hearing gun shots and grenade attacks, not knowing where to go or what to do. When you don't know whats awaiting you on the other side of the door, whether its the person who is going to shoot in the chest or save you from the bullets.

Last night I was watching a debate on NDTV, on the panel they had known faces from every field. The audience had survivors from the attack, and trust me each of them had such moving stories to tell.

Everyone whom I know, knows someone who was there during the attacks.

The newspapers, news channels, fm channels, facebook status' cant seem to get over this whole incident (thankfully) and are trying in some way or the other to not let this pass as just another thing that happened in Mumbai.

What's most ridiculous is the way some politicians have come out and made the most heartening statements. The Home Minister (state) got one dialogue straight out of the famous Bollywood movie, little did he know that this is no time to talk like King Khan.

Out of the many questions on every single Mumbaikar's mind is "where were the Thackeray's?"

The few politicians that did manage to come and show face didn't get a warm welcome either.

In fact even on the NDTV show yesterday with Barkha Dutt, none of the politicians were even ready to have a video conference and face a couple of questions from the audience, the only person who dared to come on the show was the Congress spokesperson who ended the show by calling the audience Hostile.

During those 3 days I remember getting up every morning and asking my dad to put on the news and tell me if it was over, coz if it wasn't then it meant yet another day off at work. It felt like I was checking the score during an Indo- Pak 5 day test series.

We did manage to come to work on Friday and trust me it wasn't quite a memorable day.

Half way through the day we got frantic calls saying that the terrorist's were out on the road in a white car shooting anyone and everyone in sight. None of us in office knew what to do, whether we should choose to stay back in office (not that we could concentrate) or get back home ASAP. Every time the door of the office opened it sent shivers down my back bone.

There have been innumerable candle marches and Peace rallies, but lets face it, what beyond all of this?? What are we going to do to change the F**ed up system governing our country. The celebrities on the show thought that not paying Taxes would surely change the way things are and the Financial Capital would be taken a little more seriously, after all we contribute 45% to the total tax of the country. But did we forget that not paying taxes would mean that we would have to pay a fine which is 100% your tax amount. So we would land up paying double the amount, so at that rate we would contribute 90% to the total tax payment of the country.

Mumbai's helplessness is as also known as the city's Resilience.

Its not the spirit of the city but a bout of Collective Amnesia.

I hope things do change and life does become a little safer for us to stay without the fear of being shot while walking on the streets of a city that "Never Sleeps."

I have always wanted to go to the Taj, but never managed to, I hope Mr Ratan Tata does restore it back to its old heritage structure which will have alot more stories to tell now.

IF

The One and Only thing that I really want, need and wish right now is a trip to London.

Not cause I love that city alot but because the one who means the most to me is in that part of the world.

There are moments and incidents in life when you hate the way life is going for you only because the most easy thing seems unattainable. When you really want to do something but cant cause of financial constraints or some other god forsaken damn reason.

This is worse when your life hanging is by just this one moment and you cant do anything about it as you are tied down.

The inability to get what you want and desire can cause such a mental imbalance (yeah i know I am getting too preachy)

Its been 2 years since I went to London to meet Ankita, and trust me these 2 years have flown. I remember the jitters we both had when I had submitted my papers for a visa as I was a bit skeptical on getting one and I did this after having a huge fight with you and wondering if you even make me stay with you. But it was worth the risk :P

The whole process of my parents agreeing on sending me to an unknown place alone just for one person, me sitting on an 8 hour flight. Now that was my first flight abroad and I was hoping that I would have some interesting company in the 2 seats next to me, but I landed up sharing my seat with an old Gujarati couple who didn't know Hindi, so I was the official translator for them, translating everything from apple juice to caramel custard (oh this needs another post altogether). The wait for my baggage ( 1 hour), to heading out and not recognising you, if it wasnt for your dad I would have stood at Heathrow for probably the next hour or so :) without any mode of communcation.

Overall the whole trip got us better with each day and trust me it was worth all the tension, drama and the rubbish that happened back home with my parents as none of the relatives approved of my Lonely Venture to a "foreign land" just to meet my best friend was just not digested by them. All this non sense didn't make even one percent of a difference once I was there with you.

All the random roaming on the streets of London without a Motive or destination made the journey even sweeter, every trip to your school was a pleasure and worth the walk in the winter, all the fights and arguments felt dismal as being there made it easier to solve them.


This is one the many moments when I ticked you off or embarrassed you by doing something stupid or crossing the road badly (like any Indian would lol ).

Listening for LOVE

How often do you confess your love to the one's that really make a difference.

Personally I find it very weird to go upto my dad or mum and say "I Love U."

Probably the only person I can say "I love you" without any reason or event and not feel funny about it is Ankita.

I was chatting with a childhood friend a couple of days and in the midst of a very serious conversation he told me that if someone doesnt say 'those three words' doesnt mean that they dont love u. He told me that if a close friend isnt talking to me doesnt mean that she doesnt love me anymore. They just convey their TLC through their actions. We kind of landed up arguing on this as I just didnt get the point.

I played this whole conversation over in my head yesterday and I realised how true this whole thing was and how most of us shy away from conveying our feelings through words and expect the other person to understand and interpret every action of yours.

There are moments when we really need to convey our feelings and need to tell the other person how much we love them, but there is this whole fear about expressing the love we feel.

We are sometimes very strange people. The only thing we want to say and the only one thing we should say is the one thing we dont say. According to me this is one of the most vital reasons why relationships fall apart.

People who were very important and meant the world to you at some point, no longer know what you upto just because you had lost the opportunity to hold it all together just by saying what you feel for them and what they meant to you.

But since the feeling is so strong and real, and the need to say it so high, we are driven to use other words and the meaning is never communicated the way we intend it to be conveyed.

The other person is left feelings unwanted and unloved.

Therefore we need to listen for love in the words that people are saying to us.

We have to listen for love in those around us. If we listen intently we will discover that we are alot more loved than we realise :)

cHange

Its my boss's last day tomorrow!!
For alot of people I know this may sound like good news cz they cant even stand the sight of their boss.

On the other hand it was a different ball game altogether in my office.

From the 1st day itself when I walked in for my interview shes been my guiding force, no matter what rapport I share with my Colleagues, she was one of the few reasons why I loved my jOb and looked forward to every single day at work.

I dont know how much of this she knew, but I am sure she knew that I was in aWe of her since the very beginning.

We didn't share alot of words, but it was just her presence that made work so much fun.

She followed the open door policy (literally). We could walk into her cabin as and when we wished if we wanted something or if we are just having a bad day.

We were told about her plans of moving on last Thursday and we were more than taken aback by the news as for a couple of us she was someone we looked up to and got inspiration from.

The whole thought of "omg what are we gonna do without her" was running on our minds through the day. We felt like a headless chicken running in a market full of people.

When she spoke to us about this we just couldn't hold back our tears :P

Its funny how we form a bond with people in no time and the way we react when the person is no more going to play the same pivotal part in your life.

This also made me realise how I much detest change (initially). I would kill for things to remain the same. But unfortunately as they say change is the only constant thing in our life.

I don't how much my perspective towards the job and the people at my work place is going to change, but I know one thing for sure Iam Going to Miss my Boss sorely.

Saying good bye is one the toughest things...

For me, Seventeen wouldn't be Seventeen without you!!!

I hope the break helps you sort it all out and you come back stronger.

All the best!

????

I have been wanting to blog about alot of things since a couple of weeks,

Have so much to talk about, whether its the guy at the gym or the graduation ceremony tomorrow and how everyone around me is running helter skleter just to make sure I look perfect or in general things happening on a day to day basis.

Life's been so different and amazingly awesome, want to write it all down.

But guess I am temporarily suffering from Writers Block, every time I sit down to type a post I never manage to put all my thoughts down in words.

I hope this phase passes soon as I really miss blogging.

Someone please advise me a remedy for this :)

Art Of Living

Last week was quite something I must say!

Office had organised an Art Of Living course for all, so day started at 8 in the morning, the session went on till 11.30 and then we used to rush to office. The funniest part last week was to see almost everyone in their tracks running around in office and this my Friends is a once in a lifetime opportunity to see people who otherwise would be in their Gucci and Prada :)

Apart from all of this, we learnt quite a bit in all the sessions, was a rejuvenating experience.

Out of all the things we spoke about in the last 5 days the one thing that struck me the most was the Cycle Theory. No no it ain't no rocket science, but happens in all our lives.

Every relationship in our live goes through a cycle. There are times when we talk to a friend 3 times a day and then there is a phase where you hardly talk for a Minute everyday, down to One Call in a week. This goes on for a while till you hardly talk, and know about the nitty gritties of each others life through Social Networking sites.
What sets good relations apart is the ability to keep the Ego aside and call the other person, even if it means calling after a year.

When the Teacher was talking to us about it, it made alot of sense to me. I personally think its just that one call that can make things better, but sometimes that one call makes you think so much. There have been times when my Best Friend and I haven't spoken nor mailed each other for a couple of months at a stretch, but at the end, all it needs is just one call to make it better.

Trust me just listening to the other persons voice can make things better.

So go on make a Random Call today,
Without getting 'If's and But's' in the way.

After Effects

Its been a while since I posted something on the blog!
In the last post I spoke about how I wanted to stand up for myself and speak up when needed, not let it build up inside me.
It did work quite a bit, it did make a difference, sorted a couple of things which were bothering me and taking a toll!! The after effects of the same have been bad (not for me.)
Sometimes people just force you to be wicked, they create an urge within you to erupt and speak up which can be lethal for them!
I am glad that I finally stood up, all thanks to all the pestering from G.
Another reason why I haven't blogged since a long time now is cause I have been trying to figure out life and see where I belong.
Life just amuses me to no extent (as always)!!
A couple of incidents in the past week and a half have me realise how our live's are interconnected.
How someone influences some decision of our life, how that whole thing changes our perspective and how that in turn affects everyone around me.
Its a continuous cycle which is quite freaky as we don't know how far is our attitude going to affect and who who is going to be on the receiving end of the same.
R and me did something quite random last week, was crazy!
And another incident made me realise that
I SUCK AT KEEPING SECRETS (the ones that I have building up on.)

Gandhigiri

A recent tiff at home made me realise that I ain't a person who would give back in a fight anymore.

Have stopped reacting while someone is on about something, which is ticking me off but I don't want to get back cause I have reached the point where I feel that if I become a part of this and give my side of it as well it will never end!!

Now there are Pros and Cons to everything in life (unfortunately), apart from the usual pros like the argument ending sooner than expected et al.

But on the flip side it all cramps up within me. I have absolutely stopped taking when I am upset about something or when I am really really angry.

I have realised that all the anger and negative energy gets to me in one way or the other.

Either I get red with anger, or stomach cramps up, or head starts aching till I don't get it out or maybe I just cry it out or my body heats up (yeah that happens often).

A recent spat with my mum made me realise that I have another addition to the list, I can feel all the tension in my nails. zeesh it was crazy when I realised this, I mean how random and weird could I get.

Even in office, i rarely speak up when its needed, never stand up for myself cause I feel that it might just get the whole situation dirty and messy! So I just let it be. But after repeatedly conversations about me quitting the place with my HR head, I just get one statement no matter what I say. She just says "dude f**k all of this, f**k your theory of I don't want it to be messy, just talk it out and give it back, lets see how ugly it can get."
So yeah from now I am going to give it back and stand up for myself without thinking of the consequences.
Enough of Gandhigiri, time for some Dadagiri :)

24 hOuRs

Yesterday was quite a day! There were so many things that took place in just one day that brought out different sides of me.
There were 3 things that happened and made it worth writing about.

1) The day started earlier than normal and I saw a different and beautiful side of Mumbai at 7 in the morning. So yeah breakfast was the FIRST thing that made the day wonderful! The feeling of catching up with an old friend cannot be matched with anything else. I was glad that we could still have a good time without letting the past come in our way. Oh ya and also Marine Drive is even more beautiful in the morning on a clear day.

2) I randomly got asked out at gym, and had such mixed feelings for next 2 hours. I didn't know how to react to whole situation, neither did I know how to turn him down (coz I hardly know him), nor did I know what to say :)
I was a little taken aback initially as we have only spoken twice, that too while running on the treadmill. He is bald and he carries it off so well!! zeesh don't know many people who can do that.
3) Got a call at an odd hour from a childhood friend who has never randomly called me in the middle of the night. Yeah we are close et al but it felt a little more than weird to see her name flash on my mobile screen at a bizarre time. Was a little worried before answering her call, wondering if she was OK or no. Thankfully she was alright and wanted to see me and was below my building. Went down to see her and was a little surprised to see her with her EX. I have heard loads about him and have seen her in her most vulnerable state when they broke up after dating for 5 years. They just got back in touch a couple of months back but she denies the fact that they are again in a relationship. Seeing them last night, it got my mind ticking again!

Why the hell do we get into stuff when we are smart enough to know it ain't worth the pain?

Why do we get back to the person who has caused us so much pain in the past and made us feel like shit?

So yeah, it was quite a day with a lot of feelings and thoughts running across my mind at all times.

Sometimes a lot can happen in 24 hours!!!

HK 2

Went to Disney land on Saturday, and to put the whole experience down in one word it was AWESOME.

The way things were going I thought we wouldn't be able to make it before I leave and it was a tad disappointing, but thankfully it didn't turn out that way.

Everything was so Puurfect- the company, the weather, the atmosphere, the Energy, the fun..oh my god. Loved every bit of it.

I had a bit of everything, and of course the much needed break from everything and everyone in Mumbai and Around ;)!!

Hong kong is a beautiful city, the house is Fabulous, the view from the balcony (can literally see the whole city), the weather, the Chini Kids, everything, I mean everything. Till I wasn't on the flight I couldn't believe it that I was finally going to Hong Kong after so many discussions, failed plans, arguments, Mamta dropping out. But Iam glad I made it cause I had the time of my life at the time when I needed it the most.

The day we got lost on the way back home, the random running on the streets just to cross the road while the signal is on, just sitting at the coffee shop and checking out people et al.

The big Buddha, Central (just couldn't get enough of that place), the light show one of the most fabulous things I have ever come across.

I have no more words to describe the trip.

P.S- Picturtes will be up in the next post!!

HK

I don't know where to start from..

have seen such beautiful sights and structures, don't think I am ready to go back to Mumbai yet. (yeah I still have 5 days to go)

want to make the most of it, I so needed this break, its feels wonderful!!!

yesterday R and me went to Ocean Park which is a theme park with rides et al. It also has a Panda Habitat, so all over the park there were panda memorabilia!!so wanted to get every Panda for Ankita!! zeesh..

Sat on the roller coaster and the Abyss, omg I cant get over the Abyss, it was one of the most amazing things I ever sat on. Have clicked a couple of pictures on it, zeesh..loved it..

It takes you up almost 10 floors and then drops down at racing speed, the adrenaline rush was worth it.

The look on the Faces of people waiting in line for their turn was worth it ;P

till the end moment I was wondering if I want to do this and if I will survive :)

well I did and enjoyed it the Core.

fAtE

whY do we always run behind people we are never going to be with,
people whom we are never going get no matter what, no matter how happy both will be at the end of it with each other..
why are somethings not meant to be..
some people not meant to be with each other..not matter how much care and love exists..no matter what they think, no matter how pUrfect things between them seem..
I guess life isn't meant to be perfect!!!
I hope that the one I Love knows that I want to be there!!!forever.
I have learnt that Just love and care isn't enough, it something more than that, what more??well i don't know,, trying to figure out.
its not about the wants and needs, its about fate, yeah it at all boils down to that 4 letter word.
And the feeling of wanting to be with someone, but deep down knowing it that "this ain't going to work out" can kill you from within.
It can push you to the limits and in your quest to change your destiny and FatE you might just lose it all, lose yourself.
At the end of the dAy, is it worth it??
I know I want to be with the one I love with all I can, but as I said,
Love is not enough, it takes a little more than that SADLY!!!!!

u ScreAm, i ScreAm, we All screAm for icE creAm

God made Women,

God made Men,

and then God Made Ice Cream.

I am sure all of us have been in love with Ice Cream at some point in our life. At a recent Family function the whole Ice Cream funda sturck me, that one scoop of ice cream people don't want to let go off. No matter what age you are, you stick to your Ice Cream and eat it as if the last one you ever going to get. Every bite we take is relished to the core. But I must say everyone has Ice cream in their Own sweet Way.

Have you noticed how quite people go while having an Ice cream. There is an invisible DO NOT DISTURB sign that they have on their face.

I have been loyal to my Chocolate Ice Cream. The flavour doesnt change no matter what season or reason.

I wish someday they come up with an ice cream that never melts :)

Just when life seemed to get sorted out and everything seemed to fall into place..
It hasnt been a great time for me since september '07, havent spoken much about it coz I didnt know what to do about it, something i have never spoken about and probably never will..
Got it sorted (somewhat) sometime and since then life has bee great,
got a job at a time when everyone around me was chilling and enjoying the last couple of weeks in college!! No doubt it was tough handling college, projects, studies, office at the same time, but I was more than glad to be multi tasking.
But guess I am running out of patience, have an annoying colleague whom I had learnt to deal with and give a deaf ear to, Cant do it anymore..
she is at my head and looks like she is waiting for one fault to f**k my happiness..
it just shows,,the wicked pleasure she gets when I goof up, when I mess it,,the smallest mistake the smallest step I take is looked after and reported. It has like having a Guardian devil behind me all the time. Its not that its just me, She has an issue with everything and everyone in office which amuses all of us to no end. Has fought with everyone from the peon to the boss, walks and talks as if we are all here as her slaves and its her pops office. wonder how such people make it so far in life??
I am all saturated at the end of the day, trying to keep pace with her moves, trying to make sure that I don't give her an opportunity to finger me, but na it just doesn't work, I am tired with this Cat and Mouse game, I am tired of it all. Guess I need a break, Guess this is not where I belong.
What amuses me is the sense of insecurity some people and how it makes them function. How it affects their over all behaviour with everyone just to stay ahead of them all they want to put them down.
And what amuses me even more is the fact that I always manage to have such a person around me, and inspite of not getting in the way of anyone's work and working in the wrong way and put someone down I always face this.
I have no clue of what to do, if I quit I know I will let her have way cause thats what she wants at the end of the day, but I cant take it anymore either. I have no clue what I want to do once I am out of this place but I know one thing straight for the moment, that I aint here to take shit nor do I intend to further.
Have spoken to my boss sometime back after I walked on this colleague after being accused of not being worthy enough and blah blah, inspite of working my ass off and all my boss had to say was "ignore her as she is a piece of shit."
Guess I cant anymore, guess I will just abuse her and leave one day.
I pray that I get my Patience back to handle the job and the Bitch at the job place.

Time to Celebrate!!

It is probably the last time alot of us will be studying studying..

I was one of them till last week or something..

but the whole studying in these 2 weeks has made me realise that I do in fact enjoy studying alot..

yeah you may say that it took me 15 long years to realise this, but the whole feeling of "wow I am done with this" doesn't come to me!!!!

Never thought I would want to study ahead, was always of the opinion that will be a graduate and get to work..nothing helps more than hands on experience..but nah Thank god my opinion has changed..

not that I am sorted in the head and I know what I want to study (somethings in life don't change you see)

But I know one thing..that this is not the end..in fact if I may put it in words..maybe this is the beginning!!

Beginning of a process, of a new life, new belief!!!

I probably don't know where to start and how to start, but I know now I am sure that I have to start somewhere.

Moving on!!

As i said earlier that I actually enjoyed studying this time, wasn't stressed (actually exams never stressed me). It was fun to say the least.

Mum actually had to tell me at times to take a break and chill out a bit.. guess I freaked her with my serious studying mode..

I have this habit of sittin of one place for hours in the same position, without moving an inch..

A neighbour saw me sitting in the same position for over an hour and a half and called to ask if i feel off to sleep. She couldn't get through my phone as it was off, so she asked me later if i was sleeping at the study table and she was surprised to know that I was studying, her faith has deepened in the Fact that I am weird :P

Got a piece of mind from a lot of people for keeping my phone off..yep I need undivided attention when I sit to study and a cell phone is the biggest distraction in the 21st century.

Office people refuse to get the concept and ask me how to get in touch with me then..I mean duh duh the whole point of putting my phone off is that I don't want to be reached :)

This time exams were different, the feeling was different, a lot of my friends pampered me as if I was preparing for a war, sweet nonetheless!!

The amount of craving that happens when you study is crazy, and people have actually been extremely sweet to see to it that all my demands are fulfilled no matter what day or time it is..

random demands...I want subway...i want mousse, I want ice cream..zeesh..

I Don't want exams to end cause I don't want the Princess's treatment to end :(

Just came to know my boss is out of to London and plus I have an extended weekend all thanks to the Monday being a holiday!!

yeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeye

another reason to celebrate!!!

cheers

Not made For EACH Other

I am just not made for a Subject that has numbers in it..

whether it only involves simple addition and subtraction, I am sure I will still go wrong some where..

Had Financial Management paper today and for the first time in my Educational life of 15 years I knew all the sums and formulae and the way to solve the most toughest sum possible in the book.

But whats the use of staying up till 4a.m for a week and a half practicing these god forsaken sums?

I still had to go wrong..I guess it was the most easiest paper in the History of BMM (yeah OK I am Exaggerating)

Thought would get my percentage up only by scoring the most in this paper..as we all know you can a 50 on 50 in maths papers.

But I messed up and made the silliest mistake I could ever commit in a paper..

SO wanted to kick my A** for sleeping while solving the paper..

Everything was in front of me I knew-it-all but I couldn't break my phobia for maths in probably the last paper I will ever give that involves Numbers.

So wanted to kill it..

But GUESS Maths and ME are just not made FOR Each other!!!

Holi

This one day brings back so many memories that always bring a Smile on my face,

When everyone around me used to run away and not want to be soaked in colour, I went ahead and asked people to apply colour, and since I was such a sport my friends didn't quite like it as they didn't have to run behind me or maybe there was no empty space left for them to apply colour.

The picture says it all, it was clicked last year and my mum refused to take me in the house till I didn't get some of the colour out

Always got a stare from Mum on coming back home, feel like an untouchable, not get recognised (yeah mum is funny).

Its the same ritual every year, soak each other in colour and water, play with random people walking in and out of our building et al.

This year though it was a little different as It took me a good 2 hours to get the colour out, and at the end of 2 hours Iam still pink. Everytime I washed my hair there was a different shade of colour coming out and it freaked me to no extent as i knew it that i might have to spend the rest half of the day in the bathroom.

Every year I swear to myself that this is it, no more Holi for me, what a pain it is to get the colour out blah blah blah.

But its a different story when Holi is around the corner.

All those people who don't play Holi, well all i want to say is

"Its ok to be dirty once in a while,

your mssing out on alot fun."

Its the last time!!!

For the First time I am not happy after a dreaded project being over,

For the first time I wasn't happy to leave college after 6 long hours of sitting and waiting and praying that it goes well,

For the first time I wanted to be questioned more,

For the first time I wanted to sit in class forever and do nothing,

For the first time I loved all the dim wits of my class,

For the first time I loved my Professor who has been giving us nightmares,

For the first time I loved the grilling session,

For the First time I didn't want to Leave college,

For the First time in almost 6months I didn't abuse Vara for wasting my Sunday,

For the First time I didn't want to come back home,

For the First time I wanted to chill in class and not go out on the streets of linking road,

All this for the First time, maybe because its the last time!!

No more group projects, no more vivas,

No more anything, no more Blah Blah

The weirdness of life struck me the most yesterday.

my best friend got her visa application done yesterday and got a student visa valid till 2010, and I spoke to her as soon as she got it in her hand. Could hear the excitement in her voice or probably it was relief as she would have been in a mess if she wouldn't have got that Visa.

After talking to her I realised that I ain't happy for her, CZ now it meant that she wont be coming back, Knew it deep down that she ain't coming back, but, but, but still had a tinge of hope.
The whole feeling just made my heart sink and for a moment the "How sick can you be" thought crossed my mind as I was sulking instead of being happy for her.

Yeah I know its alright to feel like this to some extent, but the fact that sometimes you become so selfish and cant think beyond your happiness, surprises me. You try to smile through all of this just to make sure the other person doesn't misunderstand this feeling.

Some one's reason for celebration can be your reason to cry.
It feels weird!!!!

Tagged by Lunacy

Have had a bad beginning to the day, majorly goofed up in office yesterday,
so thought doing this tag by Miss Lunacy might just help...

Ten Things You Wish You Could Say To People Right Now (but cant/dont)
1) Wish I could give up on You
2) No I am not running a fortune 500 business, but I am still Busy
3) Get over with it
4) NO
5) Get a Life dude
6) You are Useless and that is what is making you so irritable
7) Stop Honking
8) Dont go back
9) I Love my life without You
10) NO (yeah i know i repeated it, for effect)

Nine Unknown Things About Yourself :
1) I hate people who suffer from Bad table Manners, Can't stand it when people eat and talk at the same time.
2) Have a Fetish for fingers ;)
(my post on this one got me random remarks and looks from everyone)
3) I love driving and would not mind dying in a car accident, loooowwwwee cars.
4) I Love my best friend with all my heart, can do anything for her :)
5) People who know it all, turn me on.
6) I add up the numbers on a number plate behind cars while travelling.
7) Its too difficult for me to ask someone to stop talking to me.
8) I want to go to London to work.
9) I love to see the surprised look on people's face.

Eight Ways To Win Your Heart
1) A long drive with good music.
2) Be thoughtful.
3) Listening to me without interrupting.
4) Make me laugh.
5) Gift me a good watch (yeah I am a little materialistic)
6) Beautiful eyes.
7) Be good at at least one Sport.
8) Work out in the gym with me.

Seven Things That Cross Your Mind A Lot
1) Will I ever make it Big
2) Marriage (no I don't want to get married that's why the thought crosses my mind often)
3) Ankita
4) Are you sure
5) I know you are lying
6) Will I ever own a Car of my own
7) What after this!!!!!!

Six Things You Regret
1) Not giving up on certain relationships
2) Giving up on certain relationships
3) Not clicking enough pictures when I was a Kid
4) Failing to take up Badminton as an alternate career
5) Not being focused
6) Time wasted in the 12Th standard

Five Turn-Off’s
1) Bad breath
2) Dirty Nails
3) Bad communication Skills
4) Lack of sense of Humour
5) Not brushing your teeth before going to Bed

Four Turn-On's
1) Knowledge
2) Driving Sense
3) Cute Smile
4) Eyes

Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die ( have written a post on this before but nonetheless)
1) Travel the world
2) Gift my Parents a House
3) Date a foreigner

Two Smileys that Describe You
;) :S

One Confession
I have no clue what I want to do in Life, I am not sorted at all contrary to popular belief.

I already feel better at the end of this, Now I better get Back to work.

World Hold On, Got a Message for the Future

Have loved and have been Hurt..I'm sure all of us have gone through this phase.

Sometimes your at the receiving and the other times your a little lucky to be at the giving end. What I have learnt through these past couple of days is that no matter what you say, no matter what you do, no matter how deeply you love, if its not meant for you, it wont happen. Ya I may look like a coward to blame it on destiny, but is there much you can do after you have done it all?? You love, you lose, you sulk, you cry, you try, and finally you give up..not with the hope of getting that person back in your life, but with the hope that you never love someone else with that much intensity. Looking around me I feel like I have been living in the past.

Life has become so fast, that people find it no more difficult to move on. The other day we had a shoot with Kareena Kapoor for the cover and we had a surprise visitor yeah yeah you got it right it was Saif indeed. No doubt that both of them are too much in love with each other (that's what the picture says) but what surprises me is that both these have just recently split with their respective partners and within no span of time they are with someone else.

I mean how can you just forget the past and move so fast? Don't the memories haunt you? Don't the feelings count? Is it all about gratification, no matter where it comes from? Just because you start getting more TLC from someone else who is new in your life, you forget the old people who have been there for you and with you through thick and thin?

Where does our reasoning go? If someone is new, you are bound to get more attention from there but for how long, and is that temporary attention worth the relationships that are at stake? This colleague has been seeing this guy for the past 3 years and has feelings for someone else, who gives her more attention and showers her with the choicest compliments and blah, so she plans to dumb the old boy friend and go out with this New Guy. Heard this today morning and it stunned me beyond words. I mean if you say you "Love" someone, then how can you think of some third person just because you are spoken to in the nicest way, are words all that is required to take you away from the who probably might love you more but might not have the "right words" to sweep you off your feet for the moment?

I guess the trend is of fast moving relationships and instant Gratification right now which I have to get attuned to as the world is full of Tough people who don't let their hearts do the talking!!!

Its been a whirlwind 2 weeks for me. Haven't had the time to do anything for myself.

So i decided to take a break on Wednesday. Had a 2 hour gap between 2 lectures, in which i generally go to office to work, so i chilled with a close friend at a coffee.

It had been days since I had random conversations with anyone and everyone. That day i just realised how cut off I have been with everyone around me. In those two hours I for the first time in so many days spoke about what has been troubling me, what has been on my mind. I told this friend that I think Iam going to lose out on people as i really don't talk anymore and to add to that I never ever managed to express myself to anyone. We got talking about relationships and I realised that one bad relationship is all it took for me to get into a shell.

Hope this phase passes soon as i really want to get back to Loving myself.

woof!!!

Stuttering teeth, People riding with Gloves, Socks becoming one of the most sought after piece of cloth, blankets, piping hot coffee, ciggies, rickshaw walas in taliban attire (face half covered), three layers of clothing, heater replacing a/c in cars, Lazziness, sleepiness, pull overs, shawls, shivering, bon fires, empty roads, people travelling in buses with their windows shut, blue feet, frozen hands, boots, garam chai, people enjoying the weather at the sea face, cold water running through the tap, empty gym, 8.5°c temperature in Aamchi Mumbai!!

Unbelievable.......

I'am Loving the weather in Mumbai right now, hope we get to enjoy it for a wee bit longer!!!

Office Office

People in office can be such retards at times..
that you can't stop laughing at them..

Last week a colleague got a goft voucher for MAC worth Rs.3000 and she refused to take it!!
Ahem!! *smirks*
First she thougth that we were pulling her leg as the voucher was actually a Diwali Voucher, which everyone got during Diwali and she hadn't got it (wonder y).
She refused to take it and told me that I needed to get a life and stop foooling around so much..
As usual i wasn't even a part of this whole scene, but she still gave me a piece of her mind!!
Since she refused to take it and was giving back to us, Me and my other Colleague had already decided what we are going to get with her voucher.
Wonder how and why she finally got conviced that it was not a joke and she could go shop in MAC for cosmetics worth 3k!! Guess she went to confirm it after office :)
this was not the end of it all, she then called my boss and asked her if this was not fake and why she got her Diwali Voucher after Christmas??? hahahahahahahahahha..I almost fell off the chair looking at her face..
Damn, just missed out on the stuff from MAC!!

I don't know why but this colleague just thinks that I am the biggest prankster on the face of this earth, even though I haven't pulled a fast one on her!!
Such is Life!!!

who ever said Letting Go was Easy!!!!
I am surely going to miss u,
Never ever thought We would be this way :(
Will be waiting for you to get back!!

Why Do ALL GOOD things come to an End?

We are just left with a couple of more weeks in college and then we all are soon going to be graduates!!zeesh..even the thought of life after this gives me goose flesh :(

The past 3 years of life in BMM have just flown by..i don't know how many of my classmates will agree with me but these 3 years have been one of the most amazing of my life..

From the first day in class, the ragging (ya i got ragged), the projects, the fights, the late nights at the Kataria (printing guy), last minute studying, eating lunch at dinner time, shifting of home to JATC, troubling professors so much so that they leave class, presentations, tests, relationships gone sour, begging for notes, spending more than half of your pocket money on Xerox, not getting attendance coz you were 5 Min's late for a 7.50 lecture, JAI sandwich, working with the people you have never spoken to, cut-copy-paste, random names for professors, all the coffee consumed, gossip, shiv sagar, Breezer race (which i always lost), colour coordinated days, so called 'Industrial Visits', alcohol, randomness!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know how many people Iam going to be in touch with after this term, but I know that I saw a different side of life in BMM!!

Every morning our coordinator does a countdown telling us how many more days we have to come to college and with every passing day the fear and sadness increases. I take my camera to college everyday to freeze moments, so that someday i look back and say 'those were the best days of my life.'

The End also means the Beginning of something else, I just hope that, that 'Something else' is as fun as this!!